Everyday Grace

Five Grace-Killing Lies Our Parents Told Us (and We Probably Tell Our Kids)

June 1, 2015
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Here are five grace-killing lies our parents told us growing up that, more than likely, we are telling our kids as well.
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4. “This hurts me more than it hurts you”

360_spanking_0409This is usually said when a parent is saying that he/she does not delight in having to administer discipline, but does so anyway because it was for the child’s good. But when our child hears this, what they hear (and what we really might be saying) is, “This punishment is hurting you and you want empathy? What about how it’s hurting me? Ever considered that?” Even though it may be true, verbalizing that to your child is basically saying, “You want empathy? I’m the one that needs empathy! When you’re grown and have kids of your own, you’ll finally empathize with me!” It makes the correction, to the child, seem to be all about the parent and how the parent feels. And so the child feels marginalized and dismissed. But we’re the grownups, we have the wisdom, and yes, that’s why we discipline instead of just letting everything go. That’s our job. They are young, inexperienced, and lacking in wisdom. But when we empathize and remember what that was like, they no longer feel alone like we don’t understand. They then see our discipline more as discipleship, as something for them not against them. Parenting discipline only hurts the parent when the parent wants the end result of discipline without putting in the effort, care, and attention or when the parent wasn’t expecting their child to mess up (which we all did and still do.)

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4. “This hurts me more than it hurts you”

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